In most of your endeavors in life you want to find a solid accountability partner. This is the person who pushes you and gives you hard truths you need to hear most, even when you don’t want to. That’s how people reach their goals. When you’re in this vulnerable place of rediscovery, I don’t want you to find an accountability partner. I want you to find your cheerleaders.

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You’ve probably had cheerleaders in your life that phased in and out. These are the friends you had that you could do no wrong with. They called you their best friend even when they weren’t really yours. These relationships never last.

Why? They don’t last because there isn’t a real connection. The entire relationship is lopsided and in your heart of hearts, you can’t trust them. How can you trust someone that always agrees with you, loves what you love (to a scary and false degree), and never thinks you make mistakes? You can’t.

However, when you’re in this raw state of rediscovering yourself after marriage and motherhood, you need to find your cheerleaders who will encourage and support you. That’s not to say you need to go out and find some fake friends to use. That’s not good. Instead, use these tips to find your cheerleaders all around you when you need them most.

Reach Out to Friends

Your existing friends already love you, otherwise, why would you be friends? Start to find your cheerleaders by reaching out to them. Tell them about your journey and invite them to do it with you. Then make a pact with each other to provide loving support throughout this journey. When you journal consistently for 3 days, let them know and give a big “Hooray” and high five each other. When she steps outside of her comfort zone to try a new activity, enthuse about how awesome that is!

This isn’t about falsehood, it’s about camaraderie. It’s about showing enthusiasm for the difficult steps you’re taking to rediscover yourself.

Find New Cheerleaders

As you go on this journey, you may find that some of your friends aren’t as close anymore. I’ll talk about this more in another post but for now understand that this is normal. You are finding who you are in the present and that may be drastically different from who you were.

That’s why it’s important to find new cheerleaders, too. Start by participating in the Instagram challenge to find other women going through the same process you are. Find chicks that vibe with your weird and even start a Facebook group or Instagram group chat to regularly connect with each other.

You don’t have to be face-to-face to have deep and lasting relationships. Oftentimes, in this busy season of life, you don’t even get to see your friends as much as you once did. That’s the beauty of the internet. You can connect with awesome people regularly who get you and bond with you without packing up your kids and leaving the house. That’s awesome!

Be Your Own Cheerleader

I still recommend find 1 or 2 awesome women to help support and cheer you on, but you should totally be your own cheerleader too. Of course, when you’re in those tough moments when you want to fall back on old patterns it’s hard. When you’re going through your clothes and find negative self-talk filtering in your head, it’s hard to be your own cheerleader.

Luckily, I have a trick to help you out in these moments and it’s probably sitting next to you as you read this. It’s your phone. Use the voice recorder on your phone to record you saying positive things to yourself. Here are few ideas in case you need help:

That outfit looks gorgeous on you!
You’re tired of being exhausted and unhappy. You want to live your best life now. That’s why you’re going to stick with this process.
I love how you did your hair today!
That makeup looks stunning!
You are a smart and strong woman. There is nothing you can’t accomplish.

When you’re feeling vulnerable, whip out your phone and play these back to yourself. There’s something powerful about hearing your own voice compliment you.

Use these 3 tips to find your cheerleaders during your rediscovery after marriage and motherhood. They are an important resource to have in your corner. Don’t forget to jump on the Instagram challenge if you haven’t already. It is a great way to find community in this process and it will help you keep showing up and doing the work when it gets tough. I also highly recommend starting small private Facebook groups or a group message on Instagram to connect with each other. Share ideas and thoughts with each other throughout this journey so that you can all come out the other side living your best life ever!

See where I’m linking up!

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How to Rediscover Yourself After Marriage and Motherhood Series

Anytime you want to be successful at anything, you need to find your big why. You need to identify the motivator behind what you want and it needs to be big enough to get you through the tough days. It it’s not, you will give up and nothing changes. That’s why you have to determine your why for self discovery.

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When I started on my self-discovery journey, my kids were my main motivator. I was so tired and stressed out all of the time that I wasn’t being a very good mom. It wasn’t that I didn’t meet their needs. They still had food to eat, clothes on their back, and more toys than I care to admit, but I was impatient and yelled a lot. We had stopped playing and creating together. That wasn’t the environment I wanted for them.

My Motivator

Any mom knows that there is nothing you won’t do for your kids. That made them a serious motivator for me. My kids deserve a happy and energized mom and yours do too.

As time goes on, other things also started motivating me. Now I’m not only completing this process for them. I am more confident, patient, and happy than I was a year ago. My kids notice the difference and I want to keep feeling that way.

I don’t want to just live my life, I want to love it! That’s exactly what I want for you too. In fact, I want it for every stay-at-home mom.

Tools Needed For This Exercise

Your Journal
Pen
Highlighter

List the Reasons

The first step to determine your why for self discovery is to list it all out. To do this, grab a your journal and set a timer for 2 minutes. Start your timer and spend the 2 minutes listing everything you can think of for why you want to rediscover yourself. List anything and everything that comes to mind without thinking about it. It can be things you’re unhappy about in your life now that you want to change. It can be a future you see for yourself and your family. Whatever it is, write it down.

Find Your Big Why

Once your timer goes off, look at your list. What reasons stand out to you? Use a highlighter to denote the reasons that do. Again, don’t spend too much time thinking about it. Simply highlight the reasons that immediately pop off the page at you.

Do any of them go hand-in-hand? For example, being less angry and more patient both fall under being a better mom for me. Identifying the ones that go together are showing you your Big Why. Take a minute and write that Big Why down in sentence or paragraph form.

Make It Bigger

Now that you have your Big Why it is time to make it bigger. Trust me, no matter how motivating your Big Why is, when the going gets tough, you want something huge that is going to help you push through and make new discoveries.

For example, my big why was that I wanted to be a better mom. That’s not big enough on it’s own. You have to ask yourself questions like:

Why do you want to be a better mom?
What would life look like for you and your family if you were a better mom by your standards?

These questions help you form your truly outrageous why to propel you through the rest of the journey to rediscover yourself.

Write Your Why Down

It’s not enough to think about your why. You need to put pen to paper and write that baby down. Return to it often to stay on track throughout this process. You want a concrete reference point, a physical reminder, of why you are pushing yourself to do this. It is the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel guiding you to the end.

After you determine your why for self discovery, keep your journal close. Carry it with you so that it is literally at your fingertips. If you can’t carry your journal with you for whatever reason, tear out the sheet with your why and put it in your planner or purse. Trust me, parts of this journey are going to be incredibly hard and sometimes painful. You are breaking old habits and shedding the old, miserable you to make way for someone truly amazing. That’s not easy. Never be far from your why and you will get through.

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How to Rediscover Yourself After Marriage and Motherhood Series

Did you have a diary when you were little? Have you ever gone back and read it as an adult? If so then you probably laughed at how silly the things you wrote about were or cringed at mistakes that you made. That’s a part of self reflection and that is why all moms need a journal.

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[bctt tweet=”Even if you dislike writing a journal is a key tool for self discovery. The conversations with yourself and reflections are why all moms need a journal.” username=”diyadulation”]

I originally wasn’t going to write about this first but then I realized that this is the perfect starting point for how to rediscover yourself after marriage and motherhood. Whether you love journaling or hate it, the fact is that is the quickest and easiest way to implement self reflection. Self reflection is key to growth.

A journal is also the best way to have a conversation with yourself. Once you get it out on paper, you can look at whatever is going on more objectively. Journals allow you to get to the root of problems, see how far you have come, and record your desires for the future.

How to Choose a Journal

The journal you purchase depends on how you plan to use it. Since your new journal will be the glue in this process, I have a few recommendations for what to look for:

Spiral Bound

You want your journal to be spiral bound so that you can flip it over on itself. When you are going through the exercises, this will keep you from getting distracted by other assignments.

Heavy Cover

Let’s face it, as moms we have to do things on the go. A heavy cover gives you a sturdy writing surface while you wait at your kid’s practice or even in bed before facing your day.

Lined Paper

Lastly, I recommend lined paper inside your journal. This makes it easy to keep your words organized and legible. The lines also provide measuring guides for any drawings or charts you make during this journey.

Using Your Journal

Again, this is such an important and lengthy journey that I want you to have a journal dedicated to it. Don’t use some wide ruled notebook leftover from school supplies shopping. Purchase a dedicated journal for this process that you truly love.

Throughout the next 29 days I will reference your journal a lot for exercises and assignments. Purchase yours now to be prepared.

Have a Conversation

When you get stuck or scared, use your journal to talk it out with yourself. Sometimes this means writing out everything you are feeling then stepping away for a day or two. When you come back to your journal with fresh eyes and emotions, you can work through what was troubling you with more clarity and logic.

I recommend breaking your journal up in two for this. Use the front half for how to rediscover yourself after marriage and motherhood. Then start from the back for any conversations you have with yourself. This makes it easy to find both within the journal quickly.

Forced Reflection

As I said above, a journal is the perfect way to force self-reflection. As you go through this journey, look back at where you began to reflect on how far you have come. You will inevitably be able to see how far you have come even when it doesn’t feel like you have come very far.

Your journal is also the tool you will use for How to Practice Mindful Reflection at the end of this series. Consider your journal the ultimate tool for everything you are doing this month.

Don’t let a dislike of writing deter you from this. The conversations and forced reflection alone are why all moms need a journal. It is the best way to make these things habits and gather your thoughts. Introspection is a muscle and like any muscle, it gets stronger with practice. Journaling is no different. At the end of this journey, your journal with prove invaluable.

See where I’m linking up!

Don’t Forget to Pin It!

3 Tips to Find Your Cheerleaders

Reach Out to Friends

Find New Cheerleaders

Be Your Own Cheerleader

Don’t Forget to Pin It!

How to Rediscover Yourself After Marriage and Motherhood Series

Determine Your Why for Self Discovery

My Motivator

Tools Needed For This Exercise

List the Reasons

Find Your Big Why

Make It Bigger

Write Your Why Down

Don’t Forget to Pin It!

How to Rediscover Yourself After Marriage and Motherhood Series

Why All Moms Need a Journal for Self Discovery

How to Choose a Journal

Spiral Bound

Heavy Cover

Lined Paper

Using Your Journal

Have a Conversation

Forced Reflection

How to Rediscover Yourself After Marriage and Motherhood Series