Rediscovery Mom 31 Day Challenge Archives - Page 8 of 11

Do you feel like at the end of the day you accomplished nothing that you wanted to? Have you ever thought, “Why do these things keep happening to me?” If you answered yes to one or both of these questions, you are living reactively. Today is the day you stop reacting to life and live proactive.

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[bctt tweet=”It sounds oversimplified to say stop reacting to life and live proactive but the concept to improving yourself is truly that simple!” username=”diyadulation”]

Admittedly, this is a pet peeve of mine. The people who sit around wondering why bad things keep happening to them. They wonder why the bank account is overdrawn again or blame their boss for their getting fired. The one thing they have in common? It’s never their fault.

Life just happens to them. Their account go overdrawn because the bank didn’t update their account balance correctly at the ATM. They got fired because their boss hated them.

Luckily, I know that’s not you because you’ve already worked on taking personal responsibility. However, there are sneakier ways that moms let reactive living creep into their lives.

Sneaky Reactive Living

We all have bad days when the kids don’t let us have a moment’s peace, but how many days in a row has that prevented you from completing a task you really wanted to get done.

How many times have you “lost track” of time and forgotten dinner until it’s too late to cook so you order out?

If these sound familiar, you are not alone. I’ve been right there with you. The problem is that reactive living robs you have your happiness. You feel like your life is chaotic and you have no control. At some point you have to decide that you’ve had enough and you’re ready to boss your day around like the awesome and powerful mom that you are.

Setting Goals

That first step in proactive living is setting your goals. Admittedly this is my favorite part of life. Why? Because it allows you to really dream big. None of your ultimate goals have to be scaled down or cast aside. The sky is the limit when it comes to goals.

It’s not enough to simply think about them. You need to take out your journal and write them down. What does your dream day look like? Would you love to have a house that’s always clean? Dinner is always on the table by 6 pm and your entire family sits down to eat together. You have a brand new mansion in Malibu with both an indoor and an outdoor pool that you can spend everyday by.

Whatever that goal is, write it down. Be as descriptive as possible and include everything you can think of. Seriously, dream big here.

Break Those Goals Down

Once you know what your big goal is, you have to break it down into smaller goals. If you want a brand new mansion in Malibu but you’re living as a single-income family, you are going to have to find ways to increase your income. This could mean starting your own business, taking a part-time job, or other ways of making more money.

Of course, if your goals are smaller right now, that’s totally fine too. For example, all I want right now if for my house to always be clean. That doesn’t sound glamorous but it does so much for my well-being and eases my stress levels greatly. It’s simply what I want.

Start with Big Chunks

For example, a clean house means that:

I have to get it completely clean first.
Then I have to keep it clean.

How Do You Complete Those Chunks

Once you have your big chunks defined, it’s time to break them down even further. How do I completely clean the house?

I clean each room, one at a time and purge any items I don’t use or need.

Okay, my house is clean. How do I keep it clean?

I create systems and routines that consistently clean and organize my home.

Schedule Your Day

Admittedly, above I over-simplified the goals to give you an example. Some will have many big chunks with even more smaller chunks under them, but you get the picture. After you have those smaller chunks, use them as guideposts to plan your day. Determine everything you need to do each day. This is not limited to the actions that will help you achieve your goals. It also includes daily tasks such as making dinner, reading the kids to sleep, or packing lunches in the morning. Don’t leave anything out, no matter how small it may seem.

Get tips for scheduling your day here.

Write It Down

After you know exactly what you need to accomplish, put it on paper. I love a planner for this but you can also use an hourly to-do list or a dry erase board. Use what works for you. Plan out each day the night before or once a week on a specific day. Then treat that list as non-negotiable. For example, there are some days when tackling another room of my house sounds absolutely horrible, but if it’s on my list, I simply have to buck up and do it. This keeps me accountable and when I try to talk myself out of it, essentially, I’m saying that my goals and dreams aren’t important enough.

Expand to All Areas of Life

Once you begin to master living proactive in your daily life, start to expand it to all areas of your life. Set a budget or financial goal then make a plan to bring it to fruition. Create an awesome fitness goal and break it down into smaller, manageable steps. Any area of your life where you want to live proactive, follow these steps. Stop letting life just happen. Take control of it.

It may sound oversimplified to say stop reacting to life and live proactive but the concept is truly that simple. That doesn’t mean it isn’t going to take a lot of hard work to get there. When you commit to truly improving yourself and your life, it’s a one-two-three step. You’ve done the hardest part and made the decision to change. Now it’s time to put it into practice in your daily life and watch a life you love begin to emerge and grow.

See where I’m linking up!

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How to Rediscover Yourself After Marriage and Motherhood Series

Can you sit there and truly say, “I love myself” without any caveats? If not, don’t feel bad. Not many SAHM can. Typically the statement goes more like, I love my kids, I love my family, I love my house… no self-love. Loving your family and your life are important, but you can’t know how powerful that love can really be until you find out how to love yourself first.

Affiliate links may be used in this post. Ordering a product through these links may result in a commission. Read the full disclosure here.

[bctt tweet=”Stop taking the negative comments and put-downs as the value of your worth. Learn how to love yourself first and that no one else defines your worth!” username=”diyadulation”]

For a very long time, I didn’t love myself. I still struggle with self-love. Why? Because it’s not something that’s programmed into me. I have taken the years of negative comments, put-downs, and hatred as the value of my worth instead of realizing that no one else defines my worth but me.

Additionally, I didn’t realize that those few who spread that negativity around are truly the ones lacking. I live my life trying to be kind and life other people up. It’s an important core value. The people slinging insults and put-downs at me are saying something much more telling of their character than mine.

Minivan Analogy

So why does it affect us so much? I believe it is because we’ve never taken the time to discover our truth and take personal responsibility for our lives. If someone tells me that my minivan is a sports car, I wouldn’t take it personally or question whether or not my van is a sports car. No, I’d simply think, “Okay, you have fun believing that,” and go about my life.

Why? Because I know that my vehicle is, in fact, a black minivan and no amount of telling me otherwise will make it less true.

Imagine having that same confidence in your sense of self. The confidence of knowing your worth and your ownership no matter what others say to the contrary. That’s pretty powerful and it starts with personal responsibility.

Taking an Inventory of Wrongs

This is the first step to truly freeing yourself. Pull out your journal and write down every instance you can think of where someone wronged you. This can be a long or as short as you want. I do believe that if it is an experience or animosity that still tightens your stomach to this day, it definitely should go on the list.

Please note that this is not my original idea. It is something that is done at Al Anon to help family members. I was first exposed to it on Kate Anthony’s podcast, The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast. I cannot recommend enough that you listen to the episode about personal responsibility. Her example for this is truly brilliant and inspiring.

Own Your Part

After you have your list of wrongs, it’s time to think about what role you played in those events. Again, if you are struggling with this I totally recommend you listen to Kate’s podcast episode. After listening you’ll be convinced that if she can do it, anyone can.

Here are some examples from my own life to help you out, too:

Wrong:

When my parents got divorced, my mom started going out and partying a lot. I felt abandoned and unloved.

My Responsibility:

I never articulated these feelings to her at the time. I was angry, hurt, and depressed that she didn’t just know how much pain I was in. In addition to that, I also didn’t take any time or energy to think about it from her point of view.

Wrong:

I was once drugged and raped at a party.

My Responsibility:

I did not know the guy I went to the party with (he was a friend of a friend) and I didn’t know anyone at the party. I should not have even gone, let alone had anything to drink.

Note:

I want you to know that in this process, you are not absolving the people who hurt you of any wrongdoing. In my second example, that boy 100% committed a crime and it was/is not okay. However, I am also not without fault in the situation. That is the point you’re trying to get to with this exercise.

Determine Your Own Definition

Once you can honestly identify your personal responsibility in your life, you feel empowered. It truly sets you free so that you can define your own self-worth and do it with love and acceptance. Not one of us is perfect, but you always know when you’re being true to your core.

Take a moment to write down a glowing description of yourself. It can only be positive. Find at least one physical, personality, and cultural trait that you truly love about yourself without caveats. This is the time for self adulation because guess what: none of those things that have happened to you define you. They only served to shape you and to teach you. A life without mistakes isn’t a life.

As you go through the journey of rediscovery after marriage and motherhood, go back and add to your definition. Continue to add to it as you learn more about yourself. Use it as your tangible guide for how to love yourself first. Know that you are smart, funny, strong, powerful, independent, and capable no matter what anyone else tells you.

Calling a minivan a sports car doesn’t make it true and someone telling you that you’re something you’re not is the same way. As with all things, this strength, fortitude, and self love get stronger with practice. Know your truth and let go of your past.

See where I’m linking up!

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How to Rediscover Yourself After Marriage and Motherhood Series

Some days you wake up ready to take on the world. Most days, however, you likely are just trying to get through the day. On those days, working on yourself and your well-being is the farthest thing from your mind. Keep it a priority with these 5 awesome podcasts to inspire self discovery.

Affiliate links may be used in this post. Ordering a product through these links may result in a commission. Read the full disclosure here.

[bctt tweet=”Easily work on your self improvement daily. Slip on some headphones and listen to one of these 5 awesome podcasts to inspire self discovery!” username=”diyadulation”]

I didn’t get on the podcast band wagon until last year. People would talk about them and I’d simply smile and nod my head thinking, “Oh yeah… people sitting around talking? Sounds like a blast.” *insert internal eye roll here*

Once I started listening, I dipped my toe in slowly. It started with Dave Ramsey. If you have ever looked at his podcast, then you know that there are literally enough episodes to keep you busy for years. After a while, though, I found that people often called in with the same questions and problems. His answers are unwavering, which is great for consistency, not so much for keeping me engaged.

That’s when I started actively seeking out more. I had developed a habit of listening to podcasts while cooking and cleaning to help make the tasks easier.

Now, I listen to podcasts in all kinds of genres but my favorites are always the ones that inspire action or reflection on my part. In fact, I keep a small notebook and pen handy while listening so I can jot down ideas that really resonate with me. I totally recommend you do too, especially when it comes to self discovery.

Shailey & Katie’s Lemonade Stand

These honest and hilarious ladies cover parenthood, organization, self-confidence and more. Pretty much everything that makes moms tick is on here and they will help you delve into it all.

Start Here Episode Recommendations:

59, 6, 93

Do It Scared with Ruth Soukup

This podcast focusing on pushing you to “Do It Scared” because that is the only way to truly grow. She covers topics such as body image, goal setting, and finding a why that’s bigger than your fear. Each one will inspire you to take the next step and go after your dreams.

Start Here Episode Recommendations:

25, 18, 3

Spiritual-ish

What I love about this podcast is that they tackle some seriously tough issues. They dove deep on a series about boundaries and they also talk about “societal taboo” topics like codependency and addiction. To date, my favorite episode gives you word-for-word scripts about how to say no with grace and finality (something I think every mom needs).

Start Here Episode Recommendations:

15, 19, 14

Project Life Mastery Podcast

I am going to let you know straight-forward, I do not agree with his, or his girlfriend’s, views on everything. Sometimes they get too stuck in their own world to realize that what works for them in business, life, and as a couple simply does not (and should not) apply to everyone. That being said, I also think this one is worth listening to. He has a very direct go-after-your-goals energy that can give you the kick in the pants you need when you’re wallowing. I also agree with the attitude he has about constant self-improvement and trying to be better.

Start Here Episode Recommendations:

596, 608

Divorce Survival Guide Podcast

Say what? How does a podcast about divorce survival end up on this list? I stumbled upon this one by happenstance, but I have to say that after listening to it, I’m hooked. Yes, she talks about topics that frequently pertain to divorce but the advice she gives is important for every woman. Through the unique experience of her own divorce, she has insightful tips on personal responsibility, self-awareness, and improvement that you need to hear.

Start Here Episode Recommendations:

Guest Episode: Lyena Strelkoff, Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby!, The Power of Personal Responsibility (which I reference later in this series)

There are many more out there but these 5 awesome podcasts to inspire self discovery are the perfect place to start. Slip on some headphones and listen to one while you clean your house. This is my favorite time to listen because I get so involved it doesn’t even feel like I’m cleaning (which I hate doing). If you have an android phone like I do, I love using Podcast Go to listen to my faves. It’s totally free and alerts me when new episodes are added.

See where I’m linking up!

Don’t Forget to Pin It!

Stop Reacting to Life and Live Proactive

Sneaky Reactive Living

Setting Goals

Break Those Goals Down

Start with Big Chunks

How Do You Complete Those Chunks

Schedule Your Day

Get tips for scheduling your day here.

Write It Down

Expand to All Areas of Life

How to Rediscover Yourself After Marriage and Motherhood Series

How to Love Yourself First | Rediscovery Mom Series

Minivan Analogy

Taking an Inventory of Wrongs

Own Your Part

Wrong:

My Responsibility:

Wrong:

My Responsibility:

Note:

Determine Your Own Definition

How to Rediscover Yourself After Marriage and Motherhood Series

5 Awesome Podcasts to Inspire Self Discovery

Shailey & Katie’s Lemonade Stand

Start Here Episode Recommendations:

Do It Scared with Ruth Soukup

Start Here Episode Recommendations:

Spiritual-ish

Start Here Episode Recommendations:

Project Life Mastery Podcast

Start Here Episode Recommendations:

Divorce Survival Guide Podcast

Start Here Episode Recommendations:

How to Rediscover Yourself After Marriage and Motherhood Series