Self Archives - Page 12 of 30

Anytime you want to be successful at anything, you need to find your big why. You need to identify the motivator behind what you want and it needs to be big enough to get you through the tough days. It it’s not, you will give up and nothing changes. That’s why you have to determine your why for self discovery.

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[bctt tweet=”To be successful in your rediscovery you need to identify the motivator behind what you want. You have to determine your why for self discovery as a guide.” username=”diyadulation”]

When I started on my self-discovery journey, my kids were my main motivator. I was so tired and stressed out all of the time that I wasn’t being a very good mom. It wasn’t that I didn’t meet their needs. They still had food to eat, clothes on their back, and more toys than I care to admit, but I was impatient and yelled a lot. We had stopped playing and creating together. That wasn’t the environment I wanted for them.

My Motivator

Any mom knows that there is nothing you won’t do for your kids. That made them a serious motivator for me. My kids deserve a happy and energized mom and yours do too.

As time goes on, other things also started motivating me. Now I’m not only completing this process for them. I am more confident, patient, and happy than I was a year ago. My kids notice the difference and I want to keep feeling that way.

I don’t want to just live my life, I want to love it! That’s exactly what I want for you too. In fact, I want it for every stay-at-home mom.

Tools Needed For This Exercise

Your Journal
Pen
Highlighter

List the Reasons

The first step to determine your why for self discovery is to list it all out. To do this, grab a your journal and set a timer for 2 minutes. Start your timer and spend the 2 minutes listing everything you can think of for why you want to rediscover yourself. List anything and everything that comes to mind without thinking about it. It can be things you’re unhappy about in your life now that you want to change. It can be a future you see for yourself and your family. Whatever it is, write it down.

Find Your Big Why

Once your timer goes off, look at your list. What reasons stand out to you? Use a highlighter to denote the reasons that do. Again, don’t spend too much time thinking about it. Simply highlight the reasons that immediately pop off the page at you.

Do any of them go hand-in-hand? For example, being less angry and more patient both fall under being a better mom for me. Identifying the ones that go together are showing you your Big Why. Take a minute and write that Big Why down in sentence or paragraph form.

Make It Bigger

Now that you have your Big Why it is time to make it bigger. Trust me, no matter how motivating your Big Why is, when the going gets tough, you want something huge that is going to help you push through and make new discoveries.

For example, my big why was that I wanted to be a better mom. That’s not big enough on it’s own. You have to ask yourself questions like:

Why do you want to be a better mom?
What would life look like for you and your family if you were a better mom by your standards?

These questions help you form your truly outrageous why to propel you through the rest of the journey to rediscover yourself.

Write Your Why Down

It’s not enough to think about your why. You need to put pen to paper and write that baby down. Return to it often to stay on track throughout this process. You want a concrete reference point, a physical reminder, of why you are pushing yourself to do this. It is the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel guiding you to the end.

After you determine your why for self discovery, keep your journal close. Carry it with you so that it is literally at your fingertips. If you can’t carry your journal with you for whatever reason, tear out the sheet with your why and put it in your planner or purse. Trust me, parts of this journey are going to be incredibly hard and sometimes painful. You are breaking old habits and shedding the old, miserable you to make way for someone truly amazing. That’s not easy. Never be far from your why and you will get through.

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How to Rediscover Yourself After Marriage and Motherhood Series

Did you have a diary when you were little? Have you ever gone back and read it as an adult? If so then you probably laughed at how silly the things you wrote about were or cringed at mistakes that you made. That’s a part of self reflection and that is why all moms need a journal.

Affiliate links may be used in this post. Ordering a product through these links may result in a commission. Read the full disclosure here.

[bctt tweet=”Even if you dislike writing a journal is a key tool for self discovery. The conversations with yourself and reflections are why all moms need a journal.” username=”diyadulation”]

I originally wasn’t going to write about this first but then I realized that this is the perfect starting point for how to rediscover yourself after marriage and motherhood. Whether you love journaling or hate it, the fact is that is the quickest and easiest way to implement self reflection. Self reflection is key to growth.

A journal is also the best way to have a conversation with yourself. Once you get it out on paper, you can look at whatever is going on more objectively. Journals allow you to get to the root of problems, see how far you have come, and record your desires for the future.

How to Choose a Journal

The journal you purchase depends on how you plan to use it. Since your new journal will be the glue in this process, I have a few recommendations for what to look for:

Spiral Bound

You want your journal to be spiral bound so that you can flip it over on itself. When you are going through the exercises, this will keep you from getting distracted by other assignments.

Heavy Cover

Let’s face it, as moms we have to do things on the go. A heavy cover gives you a sturdy writing surface while you wait at your kid’s practice or even in bed before facing your day.

Lined Paper

Lastly, I recommend lined paper inside your journal. This makes it easy to keep your words organized and legible. The lines also provide measuring guides for any drawings or charts you make during this journey.

Using Your Journal

Again, this is such an important and lengthy journey that I want you to have a journal dedicated to it. Don’t use some wide ruled notebook leftover from school supplies shopping. Purchase a dedicated journal for this process that you truly love.

Throughout the next 29 days I will reference your journal a lot for exercises and assignments. Purchase yours now to be prepared.

Have a Conversation

When you get stuck or scared, use your journal to talk it out with yourself. Sometimes this means writing out everything you are feeling then stepping away for a day or two. When you come back to your journal with fresh eyes and emotions, you can work through what was troubling you with more clarity and logic.

I recommend breaking your journal up in two for this. Use the front half for how to rediscover yourself after marriage and motherhood. Then start from the back for any conversations you have with yourself. This makes it easy to find both within the journal quickly.

Forced Reflection

As I said above, a journal is the perfect way to force self-reflection. As you go through this journey, look back at where you began to reflect on how far you have come. You will inevitably be able to see how far you have come even when it doesn’t feel like you have come very far.

Your journal is also the tool you will use for How to Practice Mindful Reflection at the end of this series. Consider your journal the ultimate tool for everything you are doing this month.

Don’t let a dislike of writing deter you from this. The conversations and forced reflection alone are why all moms need a journal. It is the best way to make these things habits and gather your thoughts. Introspection is a muscle and like any muscle, it gets stronger with practice. Journaling is no different. At the end of this journey, your journal with prove invaluable.

See where I’m linking up!

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How to Rediscover Yourself After Marriage and Motherhood Series

It is exciting. First you go from a “me” to a “we”. Then, as time goes on, you find “we” grows by 2 feet at a time. It is miraculous and blissful until you realize that over the years you lost you “me”. That’s when you need to learn how to rediscover yourself after marriage and motherhood.

Affiliate links may be used in this post. Ordering a product through these links may result in a commission. Read the full disclosure here.

[bctt tweet=”Do you feel like you lost your identity in the trenches of life and motherhood? It’s time to learn how to rediscover yourself after marriage and motherhood.” username=”diyadulation”]

I know what it is like to totally lose your identity in the trenches of motherhood. You are so busy making sure that everyone else is taken care of that you stop taking care of yourself. Suddenly, you wake up one day and wonder why you’re exhausted, stressed out, and unhappy.

You can’t keep giving 110% while only replenishing 5. And yet, we continue to do that day after day. We are lucky to get a shower every day, let alone truly take time for ourselves. We are sacrificing our lives and calling it love.

Accepting Responsibility

Are you ready for the hard truth? It is our fault. It is no one else’s responsibility to take care of you but you. Yes, your husband loves you and wants to take care of you but what kind of precedent have you set? If you don’t prioritize your own health and happiness, why would anyone else?

I have felt like I completely lost myself twice in my adult life. The first time was after I had my daughter and spurred on, in part, by extreme postpartum depression. I got on anti-depressants, started feeling better, and thought that was that.

A few years later I realized I felt lost again and couldn’t figure out why. I had a house, a beautiful family, and a ton of friends. So why was I unhappy?

The answer is because I didn’t set the foundation. I got all of the things I though I needed, like friends and a house I own, without getting to the root of the problem the first time around. I blamed it all on the depression and never took the time to find out who I am at my core and building a life around that.

Setting the Foundation

Setting your foundation isn’t about finding friends and hobbies. It isn’t about setting goals and reaching them. It is about knowing yourself well enough to seek out the right friends, hobbies you truly enjoy, and goals to achieve the future you need.

By all societal accounts, I had the American Dream yet I was miserable a lot of the time. I hadn’t taken the time to find myself so that I could go after things that aligned with who I am. It wasn’t my depression or my finances. It wasn’t anything being done to me. I had done this to myself.

That’s why days 2-7 of my Write31 Days Challenge focus on setting your foundation. That foundation is the keystone of how to rediscover yourself after marriage and motherhood. You can’t build anything until you have that foundation. These posts will walk you through setting up that foundation.

Foundation Posts:

2. Why All Moms Need a Journal

3. Find Your Cheerleader

4. DIY Positive Affirmation Cards

5. Determine Your Why for Self Discovery

6. Create Your SAHM Hierarchy of Needs

7. The Hard Truth About Carving Out Me Time

Putting Yourself First

The next 7 days in how to rediscover yourself after marriage and motherhood is the hardest. It doesn’t come naturally for moms to put themselves first. This is still something even I struggle with. It simply isn’t intuitive so when I don’t make the conscious effort, my default is to always put others first.

Note:

Before we go farther, I want to clarify. Putting others first is a wonderful trait to have. However, always putting others first to your own detriment is unhealthy. Think of it this way: giving money to charity is definitely a worthy pursuit. Giving the money to pay your mortgage or buy food for your kids to charity is bad, and could even be construed as child abuse.

Yet you do this with yourself all of the time. You think that this is what all moms do. Some moms will even shame you for putting yourself first. That’s when you need to put your blinders on and tune it out. You aren’t being the best mom you can if you aren’t replenished, happy, and healthy.

How do you learn to put yourself first? That’s what days 8 through 14 are going to teach you.

Putting Yourself First Posts:

8. 5 Awesome Podcasts to Inspire Self Discovery

9. How to Love Yourself First

10. Stop Reacting to Life and Live Proactive

11. How to Set and Protect Boundaries as a Mom

12. How Moms Can Stop Being People Pleasers

13. Why It’s Okay to Outgrow Relationships

14. It’s Time to Break Up with Yourself

Start Dating Yourself

The third part of how to rediscover yourself after marriage and motherhood is to start dating yourself. This is similar to traditional dating in that some dates should be done alone and others will be group outings. It is also a priority in your life, just as date nights with your husband are.

These posts walk you through the actions that create a lasting practice of growth and discovery. Making these a priority are how you keep from losing yourself again 5, or even 10 years, down the road.

Date Yourself Posts:

15. Create a Mini Mom Oasis for Recharging

16. Why Moms Should Date Themselves + How to Do It

17. How to Get Your Free Time Back as a SAHM

18. Turn Someday into Today

19. Why You Should Throw Out Your Clothes

20. Rediscover Your Old Hobbies

21. How to Find New Hobbies You Love

Putting It into Practice

After you’ve worked through days 2-21 of this Write31 Days Challenge, it is time to put it into practice. The last 10 days of how to rediscover yourself after marriage and motherhood are ideas and practices that help you integrate self love and discovery into your everyday life.

These are the things that you can pick and choose from. You don’t have to do everything, although, creating a routine and stopping negative self talk shouldn’t be skipped. Use these posts to try out new things and be intentional in your life once and for all.

Put It into Practice Posts:

22. How to Create a Daily Self Care Routine

23. Shut Down Your Negative Self Talk

24. How a Haircut Can Help You Find Yourself

25. Make a Bucket List You’ll Actually Complete

26. Unique Alternative Ideas to Help You Find Yourself

27. Why SAHM Need to Unplug Weekly

28. 10 Mom Date Ideas You Can Do at Home

29. 10 Mom Date Ideas to Get Out of the House

30. Embracing Your Weird as a Mom

31. How to Practice Mindful Reflection

I know this process for how to rediscover yourself after marriage and motherhood is intimidating to look at but I will break it down for you, step-by-step. You will learn how to set the foundation, start putting yourself first, and date yourself with intention. If you have lost yourself, you owe it to your family and you to be the happiest and healthiest person you can be. This will improve so many areas of your life if you commit to it.

See where I’m linking up!

Don’t Forget to Pin It!

Below, you can find a link to every post in this series. Please note that the links will take you to a “Page Not Found” until the day the post is live. You can also check out the Instagram challenge that goes along with the series to find awesome moms just like you on a journey to self discovery.