How to Rediscover Yourself After Marriage and Motherhood

It is exciting. First you go from a “me” to a “we”. Then, as time goes on, you find “we” grows by 2 feet at a time. It is miraculous and blissful until you realize that over the years you lost you “me”. That’s when you need to learn how to rediscover yourself after marriage and motherhood.

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[bctt tweet=”Do you feel like you lost your identity in the trenches of life and motherhood? It’s time to learn how to rediscover yourself after marriage and motherhood.” username=”diyadulation”]

I know what it is like to totally lose your identity in the trenches of motherhood. You are so busy making sure that everyone else is taken care of that you stop taking care of yourself. Suddenly, you wake up one day and wonder why you’re exhausted, stressed out, and unhappy.

You can’t keep giving 110% while only replenishing 5. And yet, we continue to do that day after day. We are lucky to get a shower every day, let alone truly take time for ourselves. We are sacrificing our lives and calling it love.

Accepting Responsibility

Are you ready for the hard truth? It is our fault. It is no one else’s responsibility to take care of you but you. Yes, your husband loves you and wants to take care of you but what kind of precedent have you set? If you don’t prioritize your own health and happiness, why would anyone else?

I have felt like I completely lost myself twice in my adult life. The first time was after I had my daughter and spurred on, in part, by extreme postpartum depression. I got on anti-depressants, started feeling better, and thought that was that.

A few years later I realized I felt lost again and couldn’t figure out why. I had a house, a beautiful family, and a ton of friends. So why was I unhappy?

The answer is because I didn’t set the foundation. I got all of the things I though I needed, like friends and a house I own, without getting to the root of the problem the first time around. I blamed it all on the depression and never took the time to find out who I am at my core and building a life around that.

Setting the Foundation

Setting your foundation isn’t about finding friends and hobbies. It isn’t about setting goals and reaching them. It is about knowing yourself well enough to seek out the right friends, hobbies you truly enjoy, and goals to achieve the future you need.

By all societal accounts, I had the American Dream yet I was miserable a lot of the time. I hadn’t taken the time to find myself so that I could go after things that aligned with who I am. It wasn’t my depression or my finances. It wasn’t anything being done to me. I had done this to myself.

That’s why days 2-7 of my Write31 Days Challenge focus on setting your foundation. That foundation is the keystone of how to rediscover yourself after marriage and motherhood. You can’t build anything until you have that foundation. These posts will walk you through setting up that foundation.

Foundation Posts:

2. Why All Moms Need a Journal

3. Find Your Cheerleader

4. DIY Positive Affirmation Cards

5. Determine Your Why for Self Discovery

6. Create Your SAHM Hierarchy of Needs

7. The Hard Truth About Carving Out Me Time

Putting Yourself First

The next 7 days in how to rediscover yourself after marriage and motherhood is the hardest. It doesn’t come naturally for moms to put themselves first. This is still something even I struggle with. It simply isn’t intuitive so when I don’t make the conscious effort, my default is to always put others first.

Note:

Before we go farther, I want to clarify. Putting others first is a wonderful trait to have. However, always putting others first to your own detriment is unhealthy. Think of it this way: giving money to charity is definitely a worthy pursuit. Giving the money to pay your mortgage or buy food for your kids to charity is bad, and could even be construed as child abuse.

Yet you do this with yourself all of the time. You think that this is what all moms do. Some moms will even shame you for putting yourself first. That’s when you need to put your blinders on and tune it out. You aren’t being the best mom you can if you aren’t replenished, happy, and healthy.

How do you learn to put yourself first? That’s what days 8 through 14 are going to teach you.

Putting Yourself First Posts:

8. 5 Awesome Podcasts to Inspire Self Discovery

9. How to Love Yourself First

10. Stop Reacting to Life and Live Proactive

11. How to Set and Protect Boundaries as a Mom

12. How Moms Can Stop Being People Pleasers

13. Why It’s Okay to Outgrow Relationships

14. It’s Time to Break Up with Yourself

Start Dating Yourself

The third part of how to rediscover yourself after marriage and motherhood is to start dating yourself. This is similar to traditional dating in that some dates should be done alone and others will be group outings. It is also a priority in your life, just as date nights with your husband are.

These posts walk you through the actions that create a lasting practice of growth and discovery. Making these a priority are how you keep from losing yourself again 5, or even 10 years, down the road.

Date Yourself Posts:

15. Create a Mini Mom Oasis for Recharging

16. Why Moms Should Date Themselves + How to Do It

17. How to Get Your Free Time Back as a SAHM

18. Turn Someday into Today

19. Why You Should Throw Out Your Clothes

20. Rediscover Your Old Hobbies

21. How to Find New Hobbies You Love

Putting It into Practice

After you’ve worked through days 2-21 of this Write31 Days Challenge, it is time to put it into practice. The last 10 days of how to rediscover yourself after marriage and motherhood are ideas and practices that help you integrate self love and discovery into your everyday life.

These are the things that you can pick and choose from. You don’t have to do everything, although, creating a routine and stopping negative self talk shouldn’t be skipped. Use these posts to try out new things and be intentional in your life once and for all.

Put It into Practice Posts:

22. How to Create a Daily Self Care Routine

23. Shut Down Your Negative Self Talk

24. How a Haircut Can Help You Find Yourself

25. Make a Bucket List You’ll Actually Complete

26. Unique Alternative Ideas to Help You Find Yourself

27. Why SAHM Need to Unplug Weekly

28. 10 Mom Date Ideas You Can Do at Home

29. 10 Mom Date Ideas to Get Out of the House

30. Embracing Your Weird as a Mom

31. How to Practice Mindful Reflection

I know this process for how to rediscover yourself after marriage and motherhood is intimidating to look at but I will break it down for you, step-by-step. You will learn how to set the foundation, start putting yourself first, and date yourself with intention. If you have lost yourself, you owe it to your family and you to be the happiest and healthiest person you can be. This will improve so many areas of your life if you commit to it.

See where I’m linking up!

Don’t Forget to Pin It!

Below, you can find a link to every post in this series. Please note that the links will take you to a “Page Not Found” until the day the post is live. You can also check out the Instagram challenge that goes along with the series to find awesome moms just like you on a journey to self discovery.