Marie, Author at DIY Adulation

Throughout this series, we have talked a lot about some of the terrible things moms say to themselves. From saying, “I’m a failure,” to “I hate how I look in pictures,” there seems to be no shortage of put downs. Find out how to turn those words around and shut down your negative self talk.

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Too often I found myself saying these things to myself. It got to the point that I had zero self-esteem and looked for validation everywhere except where it counted: from myself. Of course, you know that the problem with this is that it never works.

Then one day I was struck with a though. I realized all of the amazing things I have done in my life. I thought about how brave I have always been in my personal style. That was when I decided this self abuse had to stop.

Tips to Shut Down Your Negative Self Talk

Shutting down negative self talk may be one of the hardest things you ever do. However, it is so important to your well-being. In fact, when you engage in negative self talk, you are verbally abusing yourself. Name calling, condescension, and degradation are all forms of verbal abuse. You deserve better than that. These tips will help you turn around that destructive behavior.

Use a Picture of Your Daughter

This is the most powerful trick to shut down negative self talk. Any time you find yourself saying or thinking horrible things, I want you to pull out a picture of your daughter and try to say those same things to it. Look at that adorable, innocent little face above and imagine me telling her the horrible things I say to myself. It’s impossible.

Keep the picture on your phone so that you always have it with you because, let’s be fair, negative self talk happens all the time. I also recommend having photos on the wall by your bathroom mirror and closet. This fights those times that put on an outfit and think you’re fat or look in the mirror and hate your complexion.

Replace Thoughts with Positives

Every time you say or think somethings negative about yourself, counter it by pointing out something positive. For example, I hate my nose. I have no idea why but I have always though it was too big for my face. When I catch myself fixating on it, I counter the negative thought and focus on a feature I love, like my eyes.

The same goes for when you say, “I’m a bad mom.” Counter that negative (and totally false) statement with, “I am the perfect mom for my kids and exactly what they need.” For every negative thought you have, there is a positive one to counter it. If you find yourself struggling, pull out your positive affirmations cards.

Negative Reinforcement

This one isn’t my favorite because, as I have said before, I am very anti-pain. However, if the methods above don’t work, try a rubber band when you catch yourself talking or thinking negatively about yourself.

Your brain begins associating the pain with negative self talk and will start avoiding it. Please note that multiple studies have been done that show positive reinforcement is a much more powerful behavior modifier. For that reason, I only recommend this as a last option.

These tips will help you shut down your negative self talk and start speaking with much more love and truth. Remember that the words you speak to and think about yourself shape the person that you inevitably become. Don’t let that be a woman formed from verbal abuse in constant search of external validation. Everything you need is already inside of you and it’s pretty amazing.

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How to Rediscover Yourself After Marriage and Motherhood Series

You can find a million articles out there with self care ideas for moms, like this one. However, articles that breaks down the types of self care and hot to fit it into your schedule are harder to find. That’s why today is all about learning how to create a daily self care routine.

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Coming up with self care ideas is easy for me. On the flip side of that, finding the time for them in schedule eluded me for years. This was due to a few key reasons:

I didn’t know how to card out time for myself including for self care.
I had no idea that there were different levels of self care.
It never occurred to me to make self care part of my daily routine.

We have already covered how to carve out me time. Now it’s time to learn about the different levels of self care. Then we’ll create a daily routine that incorporates them.

Basic Self Care

Basic self care included everything that keeps you healthy and well. This means getting the appropriate amount of sleep every night. It also means making hygiene a priority. Stay-at-home moms especially struggle with making the time to get a shower everyday (I’m totally guilty of this). Even if you have a tiny tyrant at home that you can’t leave alone, bring them in the bathroom with you. Yes, it might be a quicker shower than you’d like but you’ll still feel so much better.

Basic self care also includes a healthy diet and fitness. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all about brownies and gummy bears (not together) but the majority of the food and drinks you consume should be fuel for your body.

The same goes for fitness. Don’t feel like you need to be a body builder, but adding activity to your day is important.

Check out Tips to Fit In Fitness for ideas on how to work fitness into your day.

Emotional Self Care

Your emotional self care includes your mental and spiritual care as well. Much like your hierarchy of needs, if your basic self care isn’t met, you can’t successfully take care of these ones.

Once you take care of your basic self care, it is important to follow it up with emotional self care. This includes journaling, meditation, and religious activities.

This is also when you do things that recharge you. Reading a book, taking a bubble bath, and enjoying hobbies all fall under emotional self care.

Social Self Care

It is so easy to become isolated as a SAHM. Your social self care becomes non-existent. Even talking on the phone is difficult with demanding tiny humans.

That’s why it is so important to make time for your group hobbies, girls nights, and even play dates. These are the ways that you fill-up your social needs. If you are truly swamped, or simply feel like you need additional social self care, try writing letters with friends and family. This is a great way to connect socially without finding a ton of free time or leaving the house.

Goal Alignment

When you go to create a daily self routine, it is important to keep your current goals in mind. There simply isn’t enough time to do everything every day. Trying to do it all is a one-way ticket to burnout.

Your basic needs should be met everyday, but spending 20 minutes each on other self care ideas daily isn’t realistic. Meditation, journaling, hanging out with friends, Bible study, reading, enjoying hobbies, self-improvement, and more means finding an additional 2-3 hours in your day. You aren’t going to do that daily without falling behind in other important areas.

Instead, align your daily self care routine with your current goals. For example, if you are currently focused on getting more fit, your daily self care routine should be heavy on those activities. Your outings might always include hitting the gym. The hobbies you choose to pursue will be active ones like hiking or dance. These align with your current goal. As this goal changes, so will your self care routine.

Example Self Care Routine

Once you know your priorities, it is time to create a daily self care routine. This is personal for everyone because our lives and goals vary so greatly. As much as I wish I could, that means I can’t give you some magic formula for your self care routine. Instead, here is my current routine as an example to inspire you.

6 am: Wake up, work out, and shower
7 am: Breakfast with the kids, backpack checks, meditation
8 am: Get older kids on the bus and work on letters with youngest
9-11 am: Outings, Phone Calls, Errands
The rest of my day is filled with chores, blogging, kids activities, and family time until 9 pm.
9 pm: Wash my face, put on pajamas, journal, and read
10 pm: Lights out/Sleep Hypnosis

Notes:

Some days my outing block is filled with grocery shopping and appointments. Other days it’s more fun activities or conversations on the phone. That’s totally okay. The point is to find a general balance throughout the week.
If your kids get out of bed in the morning if they hear you up like mine do, don’t forgo the morning self care. It is a test of your boundary reinforcement. Instead of fighting with them, sit them in a chair and let them know that you aren’t going to fight about staying in bed but this is your workout time and that is what is going to happen right now.
Sometimes my kids meditate with me but other mornings they don’t want to. On those mornings, I throw on headphones and ask them to play quietly for 10 minutes.

Remember your basic self care needs and align additional self care with your goals is how to create a daily self care routine. Don’t let your basic self care falter because it affects all of the others. Again, if you need some specific self care ideas, check out Open When Self Care Ideas for Moms. Also, know that as your goals change and evolve, your daily self care activities will change too.

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